Settling

Well, we have come to an agreement through mediation.  I could have done better perhaps, but I could also be a lot worse off.  I’m sure people who say things like take him to the cleaners mean well, but I’m also fairly certain they’ve been watching too much court room drama.  The fact is attorneys are expensive and pretty useless in terms of negotiating.  It is up to the two people to sort it out.  Husband has been reasonable and fair even, but it is not enough income-wise to allow me to qualify to refinance the house on my own.  But I am determined to keep it and I know there must be a way to accomplish this.  I love the house, neighborhood, city, and I am not letting go easily.  The more time I spend asking for more money, the more money is wasted in this process and the less likely I will be able to recover emotionally.  Until the papers are signed and everything is settled, I live in this netherworld of past memories and future fears.  Once it’s done, I no longer have to continually revisit it, as happens every now and again when we meet for a meal and do business things like closing accounts.  It is so nice and we are comrades still it seems, know each other so well, catch each other up on our lives and laugh, and I walk away completely distraught and confused.  Why are we getting a divorce again I wonder?  And it starts up again, all the same old junk.  I can’t take much more of that torture.  And so I am taking a deal and accepting it.  For it to be done.  For me to be able to move on.

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