How should one celebrate a fifteenth wedding anniversary alone? This was my one concern leading up to the day. What to do? Who to be with? Where to go? Would I fall apart? Well, I’m here to tell you that I didn’t. I survived and it passed like any other normal day.
I was fortunate enough to get the library cottage in Manzanita for a week and my anniversary happened to fall smack dab in the middle of it. Did I plan it that way? Of course not. It was yet another of the unexpected miracles life has waiting if we pay attention. After a few invites, a few rejections, and a few I should I ask so and so, I went alone in the end. Not including the company of Dylan Dog and Reeses Cat. Just us girls. We had run of the cottage and a fabulous front window view of the beach. We watched surfers, children playing, adults building campfires, kite flying, dogs frolicking, and the waves rolling ever in and out.
I had good intentions. I brought along the cello I’ve been learning to play, five books of outstanding personal development to read, three movies to lose myself in, and the laptop to work on homework. I hoped to write a poem or two as well. I accomplished none of these things. Oh, I picked up the cello. Squeaked out Mary Had a Little Lamb, fiddled a bit with Beethoven’s Ode to Joy. Managed to finish one of the books I was most the way through already…On Love and Loneliness by Krishnamurti (how appropriate). Looked at the homework assignment. And watched one of the movies I’ve seen before. Mostly though, I journaled and stared out at sea. And it was strangely calming to do nothing. Lately, I’ve been anxious when unoccupied. It is not something I normally give myself over to. I’m forever doing something, seeing someone, working, reading, and if I’m not I’m always aware there is something else that needs doing. I should be gardening or doing homework or writing a letter or writing a poem or visiting a friend, endless things to be doing. But when removed from these distractions (good though they are) I found I could relax. No guilt in not doing anything productive. This is what I needed. To just be. Sit and look out the window. Go for a walk and watch my dog’s utter enjoyment. Curl up for a nap on the sofa with the cat. Take a bubble bath in the middle of the afternoon and not get dressed again. These are valid life moments too. And I need to remember this lesson when I have a free evening or afternoon, perhaps I should just take it and appreciate it for what it is, cherish that beautiful moment, and not fill it up with should dos and could dos.