Foray into Debauchery

I’ve been told that going through the process of divorce is like a death.  Worse even.  I can expect myself to go a little mad.  Be depressed.  Act irrationally.  Explore new things.  Make mistakes.  Learn.  Grow.  And I have been given a free pass to do so.  Recent events have me wondering if this pass is all-inclusive or are some things exempt?  Judge for yourselves…

Because I answer the question “how are you?” honestly these days, I find it opens the other person up as well.  I pause, reflect, and give the most accurate picture I can of how I am feeling at that very moment.  Sometimes it is genuinely okay and other times, I can’t even answer.  I just have to shake my head.  An unexpected run-in with an acquaintance had me at the thumbs down tongue out response (one of my favorites) the other day.  My genuineness so surprised him, that he returned to say he had also had a rough time of it.  After learning of his same plight, I suggested we go for drinks.  No time to eat before meeting up, I hit the gin pretty hard (and it hit right back) as we took turns sharing our stories.  Countless gins in (well, not countless, let’s say four), I believe I asked him to move in and he in turn propositioned me.  What a fantastic first date this would make.  And then dear ones, I vomited at the table.  Yes, I did.  Check please!  As I clung to the arm of my new friend, I stumbled to the bus stop and waited until the bus pulled up to the curb.  And then, in another of my finer moments, I fell into the bus.  Somehow I assured the bus driver I was okay and then went to sit down.  I must have made myself comfortable, because in the short ten minutes it took to get home, I fell asleep.  I woke up about twenty blocks past my house, got off, and re-boarded another bus.   Made it home eventually, but was bruised and bleeding.  True.

Now those of you not horrified speechless by the previous recounting of events will no doubt be shouting, but you have a free pass!  I however, don’t think the free pass extends to vomiting at the table.  Do you think it’s covered?


10 thoughts on “Foray into Debauchery

  1. Nope, vomiting at the table is out….OUT, I say. Maybe cut back on the gin a little. In fact, I think the free pass should be revoked. How about a discounted pass instead? We could set new rules for that, what do you think?

  2. Ahh…but wouldn’t it be better to revoke it early and go with something a little less drastic? And did you have to say Doc Holliday? Now I’m picturing you in the wild west in a saloon flipping up your skirt doing the can-can. Vomiting on the table…dancing in a saloon??? What next for the staid librarian!!!

  3. “I can expect myself to go a little mad. Be depressed. Act irrationally. Explore new things. Make mistakes. Learn. Grow.” – I believe everybody has a free pass to all this stuff, it is what life is essentially about. Life itself is a free pass to do all of the things mentioned regardless of station in life. Besides, I never really found anything wrong with going a little mad anyways, makes things more interesting.

    As for vomiting on the table, that is bad form but it is better than dying of alcohol poisoning or suffocating on said vomit whilst asleep. Nothing that a few apologetic letters wouldn’t cover.

  4. OK, so you have to test your wings a bit. Just don’t feel guilty. As long as you don’t harm anyone (including yourself!), I say go for it.

  5. I do believe that vomiting at the table is covered. If it became a habit, well, then we could talk. What is delightful is the genuine fearlessness in which you’re approaching this whole situation. You have no reason to hide in shame. Shame does not help the healing process. What does help the healing process is a candid story, memories, and scars that you can one day look back on and say, “Remember that one time I puked at the table?” and having a friend say confidently, “Yeah. But it continually got better after that.”

    • That is beautiful, thank you! And I love that you think I’m approaching this with genuine fearlessness. Have just been reading Smile at Fear: Awakening the True Heart of Bravery by Chogyam Trungpa, which is about being a fearless warrior. I’m on my way then!

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