Met another curly haired man with nice hands and a sense of rhythm at a recent concert and wanted to go home with him. It’s getting to be a habit with me. Have just realized there is a very definite pattern at work here. Yes, just this moment. It’s taken twenty years, but hey. Two high school boyfriends—drummers. My first (and ongoing) leave your husband type crush, a talented Canadian percussionist. I’m still pining. Can’t help it, we share a birthday, seems meant to be somehow. Then there’s the dashing Mr. Darling. And now, another Canadian percussionist. What are the chances?
Perhaps I should expound upon the leave your husband crush. I think you know the type. All they’d have to do is say the word and all good judgment would leave. Already has actually, you’re just waiting for a word, a sign, a moment to act, and the courage to do so. I’ve had a few in my time. Of course I didn’t leave. (I will now change the name to should have left your husband type crush.) The photo is actually taken by one of those. Well, not exactly, as I was an unmarried eighteen year old at the time. But still, same principle applies. (I know you were all wondering what the hell the photo of me had to do with percussionists and crushes.) Ah George. One of the only men it was worthwhile waking up for in the middle of the northern Idaho winter. I remember bundling in layers (long thermal underwear, jeans, shirt, an extra sweater on top of that, plus coat, wool socks, Sorel boots) and schlepping myself to geology lab for the ungodly start time of 7.30am. Just curly haired George, his cup of coffee, and a class full of dreamy eyed girls. He had nice hands. Bet he was a drummer too.
Now you may think it seems silly for a grown woman to develop a crush, concentrate on that instead of studies and self-improvement, but I am using it to my advantage. Possibly an unhealthy crutch, but it takes the edge off the pain. It’s like a lovely soothing balm when I can’t think about my situation anymore. Yes, it’s escapism. No, it’s not going anywhere. But when the crush comes, my mind can at least rest from the trauma. It is a part of the healing process in a way. To know I can feel something for someone else, delusional fantasies or no.
Now that I’ve noticed this proclivity of mine, I wonder if I should explore why I’m drawn to musicians, drummers specifically…Is it because I’ve no musical ability of my own to speak of? If that is the case, perhaps I should remedy it somehow. Not because it’s bad to have a crush, but because it’s a very particular type I seem to be going for and maybe there’s something in that. My neighbor has a student cello I can borrow…think I’ll go knock on the door and begin taking lessons.